The final version of the essay needs to be revised significantly.
1. The assignment asks to write about the free will dilemma as laid out in the prompt. But in this draft you don’t discuss the dilemma at all. Instead it’s just a general discussion of the idea of free will. The final version should be much more tightly focused on the assigned topic.
2. The assignment asks you to argue in support of a thesis. What do you think is the best way to resolve the free will dilemma, and why? This draft doesn’t have a main thesis at all; instead it just surveys various theories of free will without taking any clear position.
As I said in the video, it helps to think of this essay as similar to a newspaper editorial: you want to clearly identify a problem (the free will dilemma), clearly say what you think the best solution to that problem is (your main thesis), and then spell out some reasons to help persuade your reader to agree with your solution.
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