The content is ALL HERE. Please Review and correct grammar. I would like the message to be super condense and not repetitive. Summarize the writing and would like for the condensed version to be non blaming and more about feelings and emotions.

I’ve felt in this relationship that I’ve needed to overextend myself to feel loved by you. I remember you telling me that you wanted Tiffanys, 6 months into our relationship I had bought you Tiffanys and every year after, holidays, birthdays, any celebration, I maxed out my credit card to buy you Tiffany’s. Then as I matured in life and understood the concept of these actions having consequences. Maybe low credit score, or not being able to keep up with bills. I begin to feel that I valued you and did not value myself. I also questioned your intentions as I felt that we were involved deeply in a relationship together and that you knew I could not exert myself in these ways. I blamed you for wanting more and not for not realizing what it was doing to my self esteem. As I matured, I would try and explain, why I felt the relationship was unhealthy for me, and how I felt hopeless in the marriage and why I wanted to let it go. I felt that I was the only one to always confront the unhealthy exchange in the relationship and you kept assuring me that you wanted me, even though our relationship did not reflect this way for me. The message would be consistently echoed…

I want you, you matter to me, and why I needed to stay for every other reason but for MYSELF. In many aspects, the relationship exchange felt very selfish and one sided.

I wanted to feel love and affection and when I was not receiving that I would say things like:

God did not put me on this earth for you to LIVE my life for me

I feel like a roommate

You want a GUY

Im Kaitlin’s DEDE

I’m not a nun

You’re using me…..and when I felt that your actions, still neglected my feelings, after feeling that I needing you to be honest with me about what it was that you wanted from me and not feeling like your actions were making me feel loved. I would become depressed and angry and say things that were wrong like….

Your a predator

Your pimping out my life out

As a consequent, I would hear, nobody made you stay in this relationship or quit nagging

You’re jealous, or If you leave, forget you know me, or I signed this lease because of this….or I moved here for Kaitlin to receive the best education… and hearing this made me feel that my existence in this relationship, was not a service to myself but a service to your survival & support in life. I would also feel that because I stated I wanted out of this relationship, that I had to be punished or faulted for my feelings or somehow what I was feeling was causing the SAME exact feelings in Dlynn and I needed to fix that too.

And what I needed was not important or too BIG of an ASK, or I needed to just go to work to take my mind off of it, or I was being a victim. OR why what I did to lash out has caused the results of ALL OF IT.

My feelings were neglected and I started looking for love/affection outside of the relationship causing more harm to the relationship.

As I matured, I would try to explain why I felt the relationship was unhealthy for me, and how I felt hopeless in the marriage and why I wanted to let it go. I felt that I was the only one to ALWAYS confront the unhealthy exchange and what I needed to feel in this relationship..

The relationship exchange felt very selfish and one sided.

We shared a very close bond you even expressed to me about what you wanted to feel abou the opposite sex wanting you. The honesty was okay for me, but I wouldnt want to be in a relationship with someone who did not want me and wanted a man. And when I would confront this to you, you would explained otherwise, making me feel hope. I knew what you had express to me about wanting to feel liked by the opposite sex, or how no matter how many times I told you, you were pretty, it was not enough. This made me feel that you didn’t want me and I had given you several opportunities to be honest about it. I have felt misused, taken for granted and not valued. I feel that I have always confronted this issue and that you have not been honest with me. I feel that when I’m validated by you it’s so that I shut up because I have observed you invalidating me when you speak to others and express your feelings through other outlets, it doesn’t feel consistent and it makes me question the entire integrity of our relationship and makes me feel this is the theme of our entire relationship.

And now I feel DONE because I have approached this situation at every angle and I have tried to understand it but I can’t do it anymore because it keeps being at the expense of myself. I do not feel that I can trust you to be honest with me and I feel that I’m worthy of love and I do not feel that I am valued in this relationship outside of how I can make life easier for someone else.

I don’t even know who I am because I have not spent enough time nurturing or figuring out myself. I fear this relationship will continue to take from me and when it is all said and done the story will always be well no one made you do it. And all I wanted from it was Love, respect, and consideration in the same way you have valued yourself.

When Dlynn confirmed the affair, I stated to her that it was OK because I felt that we were in a different space. As we attempted to process these emotions, it really hurt me when she told me that she did not owe me anything, it really hurt me that she often times said she cant let a guy just fuck her to get his rocks off, becuase that was the hurt she was experiencing from the incident (these comments felt more about her than a reflection at constant stab at my insecurity about her wanting a man)

It brought up old wounds for me because I would constantly asked, why she didnt seem engaged in wanting to have sex with me, and she would tell me that I should initiate it, but when I went for it, she told me me touching her reminded her of a time she was molested and this completely turned me OFF. There would always be some excuse and I felt that I have not gotten what Ive needed sexually in the 13 years of this relationship because I was not who she wanted to give it to.

Overall the relationship is just too much and I feel that I’ve wasted enough time trying to figure it out and I do not like who I have become in the relationship or how the relationship has affected my self esteem.

I feel that our environment and our upbringing plays apart into what makes us who we are. I grew up very sheltered, lacking love, lacking affection, and having a poverty mindset. I once tried to kill myself by drinking bleach because I felt depressed, unloved and unwanted. Growing up I knew I was love but love was never expressed to me in a way that I needed.

When I met Dlynn, it was an introduction to freedom and I was exposed to another lifestyle before I had learned about myself or what I was in sync with as a person. I did not have the faculties to navigate adult life and I allowed her to navigate my life. I was very naive, gullible and GREEN…

Overtime, I faulted her for providing me with direction that I felt was in correspondence to support her and not a good idea for myself.

What I wanted out of this relationship was love and affection. I did not want to pay bills, raise a child, live outside of my means, stress financially, at 19, 20, 21, and so on.

I felt that the relationship was very demanding and that the exchange did not involve intimacy or the love and affection that I was craving and I felt that if she one day gave me what I needed, it would have made all the hurt and pain worth it. I realize that I need to love myself and I am not going to be able to heal in a relationship that eats away at my self worth and faults me for feeling a way about it. I feel that in a motherly way I was misinformed and in my relationship I feel used. Neither has provided relief and I feel that it is my responsibility to be good to myself and I can’t heal as an individual with the components of this relationship.

I feel that you are not holding yourself accountable and that when you say that I should be upset with my mom its you not holding yourself accountable I’m sure my mom did not intend for me to go through these experiences. I feel that there is a moral code and its normalized by biases of our upbringing….oh because my mom never taught me anything about relationship, that the reason Im a target is her fault and everything I feel is my fault because I wasn’t exposed or taught about these things at the age yo

I feel that when ever we have problems that its more about proven why you were not the bad guy than you actually being affected by the problem. For instance with the krista situation, I felt that you went on a smear campaign and all I heard was what I had done to you and how even if we didnt work out you felt she wasnt the one for me. I had tried to make up for what I had broken in you, I got rid of my car and I gave you what you said you needed from me AND you were still not honest about having an affair on me. It was until we moved to new orleans that you wanted to make me aware but no acknowledge how it would impact me. I felt that you tried to overwhelm me with work, you even stated that I needed to return to work. I as very hurt when you told me that you did not owe me anything. When I shared with you how the affair impacted me you then said “we both did wrong” but you were not saying this when you kept being dishonest about the affair.

I feel that when you mentioned my mom, your trying to push blame as if because my mom did not share with me the downfalls of life and teach me to beware, that I should be mad with her and not you for doing me wrong. Where as im sure she didnt plan for me to leave home at 19 an take on a full adult role and hardships of a onesided relationship.

I feel that I went against my family and my instincts and I was constantly lied too for a very long time. And then when the affair was confirmed, and you told me you didn’t owe me anything and I could leave now it made me feel confused and angry. I had an affair on you and you took all measures in exploiting me to my mom, your friends, i did things that I thought you needed and you were happy about it and still the story remain the same when i would ask if you had NEVER cheated on me…you would swear you didn’t or would even get mad at me for mentioning it. Meanwhile your family knew, and was introduced to your cousins he knew your uncle. It became alot more than what you said it was…I had kept kaitlin while i was told the reason you had to go to new orleans was because your grandmother was sick

I picked you up from the airport all while you were being dishonest to me…I remeber you treating me like you were spoken for, feeling like I was a stranger and you hadn’t spoken to me for weeks…but one day you needed the toilet plunge and you asked me to do it…..this felt very degrading…while All of this was happening I was the only one mentioning a divorce, let go our separate ways. But I kept hearing how much you love me and why I needed to stay for our daughter….this felt very manipulating and made me resentful. I dont want to be in a relationship that makes me feel resentful its very unhealthy for me and because of our history I don’t trust this relationship to be part of my healing process with myself.

I have felt exploited. I have felt that even when I had an affair the idea was entertained with her permission or involvement. I felt this was unfair because when she had entertained someone it was in private and she was able to finish the relationship off peacefully without my awareness.

I felt that I was always isolated out of her life but we were supposed to be together. I did not feel that we were in sync. It was almost as if my life was our life and her life was her life.