Part 1: Revise these sentences to state their meaning in fewer and or/redundant words. Avoid passive voice, needless repetition, and wordy phrases and clauses.
1. During that time period, many car buyers preferred cars that were pink in color and shiny in appearance. (18 words)
2. The microscope revealed a group of organisms that were round in shape and peculiar in nature. (16 words)
3. The supply manager considered the correcting typewriter an unneeded luxury. (10 words)
4. Our branch office currently employs five tellers. These tellers do an excellent job Monday through Thursday but cannot keep up with the rush on Friday and Saturday. (27 words)
5. It goes without saying that we are acquainted with your policy on filing tax returns, and we have every intention of complying with the regulations that you have mentioned. (29 words)
Part 2: Revise the sentences below for faulty parallelism and respond to the effectiveness of two other students’ sentences and edit them if necessary.
1. The new governor has already shown herself to be not only charming but also a person of political sophistication.
2. Where he had been and his experiences did not matter to the priest.
3. The protestors tried to gain entrance first by persuasion and then to force.
4. When it comes to fast food, I love not only old favorites like hamburgers but also ethnic foods like falafel make my mouth water.
5. Her cousin was tough in a bargain but a generous friend.
0 comments