This essay need to be fixed the grammar and the organization of it.
1. The first body paragraph started with a topic sentence, the next sentence should be describe about the topic. Then the whole paragraph have to be talked about that point and make the main point stronger. She told that the organization of the first paragraph was not logic. So it was like if you talk about Anna’s sickness, all of the paragraph should be more information about that, but if you talk about Anna used to dress differently so you have to talk more about how she was look like before she changed. ( such as long hair, dress girly…). But it good to have both so please just separate it into 2 differences paragraph. Need to fix the grammars + syntax.
2. The following body Paragraph she said it was fine, but it need to be fixed the syntax problems ( order your put words) + grammars.
3. The girl in the essay have to belong to a “group”. So you need to figuring out what group that she belonging to.
4. MLA Format.
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