I have an essay that needs to be fixed. I have attached the essay below. This is the comments to help fix the essay :
this paper needs much in the way of reworking to make a cohesive argument that builds logically. The paragraphs don’t seem connect to one another. Perhaps you should center the discussion around The Help and Malcom X and re-organize so that you are using Weigman’s ideas to demonstrate how The Help is an example of Hollywood doing a “bad” job of representing Race and Ethnicity and Malcom X as an example of doing better job at it? You mention Black and Asian throughout your paper, but really, you mostly only talk about Black representation (because of your examples of The Help and Malcom X)
this is a bit unclear–the intro paragraph needs a bit more development to make clear to the reader what it is you are discussing and why it is important
some editing needed here–not sure where the first quotation ends and then you need some of your own words and insight to connect the quotes
This is the essay guidelines: Your final paper should be seen as a demonstration of the culmination of your learning in this class. As with the previous paper, the goal of this paper is to demonstrate that you can understand, synthesize, and apply the theories that we’ve been reading in class.
Think of this as expansive thinking, you are creating a new insight, or understanding new and interesting relationships between films, or deepening your understanding of the social significance of a film within the context in which it was made.
For the final paper, you can focus your attention on any of the theories we discussed in the second half of the semester: weeks 8-14. Choose one or two essays that we have read in class–or an article that you find that is related to the topics of weeks 5-12 (but run by Prof Hardacker first) to discuss.
Note that the specific instructions for the Paper #2 Outline indicate that you should illuminate a minimum of 8 quotes from the course readings (or an alternate pre-approved text)–these 8 (minimum) quotes should likewise be used to support your argument in the paper.
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If you’re unsure about the guidelines here, simply ask Prof Hardacker for clarification.
This paper will be 8-10 pages in length—this length will allow you to focus on some breadth about how films underscore a certain ideology. You will want to include very specific examples from only 2-3 films. (You may mention other films that apply to your broader concept, but your specific examples will draw from only a few films.)
It is important that you have a strong unifying and persuasive thesis that will guide your reading of your chosen film examples. This thesis should present a kind of argument and should address the “So What?” question!!
Here is a link to a writing resource center (University of Iowa) on writing a strong, argumentative thesis statement: http://clas.uiowa.edu/history/teaching-and-writing-center/guides/argumentation
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