‘m working on a writing project and need a sample draft to help me learn.
Need help with final draft. I have completed my first draft. It needs about another 1000 words and 5 to 6 references. Requirement is inclued in the file Promt.
Here is the suggestion from my instructor:
Strong first draft. You’ve done some great research. Here are some suggestions for revision in addition to my margin notes: Open with a concrete example of how the pandemic has affected a real working-class person (pathos). Address more clearly how lockdown policies impacted unemployment. Provide hard figures for this if you’re able. This is an important part of the picture, as the policies are implemented by the professional-managerial class often at the expense of the working class. Expand your discussion of gig workers. How many are there? What percent of workers? Why were they excluded from the CARES Act? Address how the 1% acquired so much increased wealth during the pandemic. This is an important issue that needs to be explain causally in your paper; it will have the biggest long-term impact on inequality of the issues you address. Here’s roughly what has happened: an incredible number of small business closed, creating a market vacuum; large corporations were able to fill that vacuum, thus expanding their share of the market; small business will now have a harder time making a comeback. Elaborate on educational disparities. Look for studies predicting the long-term consequences of missing so much in-person schooling; address how these consequences fall more heavily on the poor and working-class, which means long-lasting economic disparity. Because the solutions to the problem will involve mitigating the long-term consequences for inequality, look at the current efforts to soften the blow. For example, read about the the current debate regarding the relief proposal put forward by Republicans who are frustrated with Democrats adding nonessentials into the latest relief bill: https://www.wsj.com/articles/republicans-propose-6… Improve source introductions and integration. Give your overall structure another look; it feels a bit haphazard. Proofread for grammar and sentence eloquence. Trim unnecessary repetition. Your stylistic goal should be to say as much as possible in as few words as possible.
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