IMPORTANT INFO: I NEED SOMEONE WHO HAS THE CROOKED LETTER, CROOKED LETTER, BY TOM FRAINKLIN BOOK IN ORDER TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS ASSIGNMENT.
Basically, I submitted a 4 pages essay draft (which topic is Forgiveness is not an option for Larry) to my English 101 teacher and she already checked it and the problem is that I have a lot of corrections to do and stuff to fix, so I really need someone to help me out with this and apply all of these long corrections to my essay because it is so important and I depend on it to pass the course so I MUST present a great final product. Below I attach the essay document in which you will find comments and corrections from my English 101 teacher. Also, here I provide highlighted extra comments and suggestions of my English 101 teacher so that you can be able to apply all of them to the essay:
Thank you very much for your patience as I’ve been working through everyone’s essay 2 drafts and juggling the needs of all my classes. Some students have needed
more help than others, which takes more time. I’m sorry it has taken so long to respond.
It’s good that you’ve taken out the illogical idea of Silas seeking vengeance and other unsupportable ideas in the outline. I’m
afraid some troubles remain with accuracy as to what happens in the novel, especially what happens when. The following is long, I know, but to be honest, the draft you submitted has
many problems with focus and use of support. I must tell you that in order to pass ENGL 101, you must produce a successful essay 2, and that is going to take a lot of work and effort on your part. I’ve spent a lot of time
on this feedback; now you need to follow through. Later in this message are some steps, in bullet points, to take first.
It’s not supportable to say that Silas betrayed Larry’s friendship on the night Cindy disappeared. They weren’t friends then.Their forced fight takes place a few months after
they meet, when they are 12 or 13.They stop being friends because of the word Larry calls Silas. When they’re in high school and Silas is involved with Cindy, the two boys haven’t been friends for quite some time. After
adult Silas tells Larry the truth about having been with Cindy after Larry dropped her off that night, and he tells Larry that Cindy had not been pregnant, he says, “I didn’t know that’s what she was doing then” (222).The manipulation
was done by Cindy; I don’t see any evidence that Silas deliberately used Larry or used their friendship “for manipulative purposes,” as your draft says—they were not friends at that time.That idea has to go.
The tragic situation for Larry is that (1) Silas has never told anyone that he had been Cindy’s boyfriend and had seen Cindy after Larry that
night, and as a result (2) everyone has blamed Larry for her disappearance for 25 years and ostracized him. Everything stems from that. As I said in my email on your outline, it’s
completely reasonable to point out that Silas offers the truth only under the pressure of seeing Larry almost tricked into confessing to crimes he didn’t commit. I meant that as one of several reasons for Larry not to forgive, not that that would
be the entire essay.
It’s not difficult to come up with a clear set of reasons why forgiveness is not an option. Let’s not neglect to use what’s right
in front of us. Consider the following (each of these could get its own body paragraph):
- Larry’s rejection by everyone for 25 years and what he has suffered
- Larry’s loss of business and income, which forced him to sell land
- Larry’s near-fatal shooting by Wallace, who had grown up thinking Larry was a murderer and wanted to imitate him
- Whether the nice things Silas and Angie do for Larry can ever atone for what he has lost (it’s perfectly reasonable to say you don’t think so)
I know we’ve had a big gap in the semester, but please recall how a college essay works: you state a point at the beginning of the paragraph,
then present the specific examples and evidence that support that point and do not wander into some other topic. If it helps, look again at the sample focused paragraphs on Blackboard.
Another puzzling thing about this draft is the writing style, which seems to be trying for some kind of fancy effect with a lot of big words. I remember your telling me that you look up English synonyms for ideas you want to write, which is fine if you choose appropriate words. A writer’s most important job is to be clear, and quite a few word choices and phrases in the draft
are unclear or inappropriate in the sentence. Synonyms for a word in a thesaurus often have different shades of meaning or are used differently in different contexts.Best to choose an ordinary English word.
There’s also a lot “wheel spinning” or “filler.” I’ve noted a number of these passages in my comments.Again, don’t
try to be fancy or sound impressive; just state things plainly.Just call the characters Larry and Silas; you don’t need “protagonist.” Stop saying “it is evident” and present the evidence.
To work toward producing an acceptable essay, please do the following:
- Compose at least two body paragraphs, each using one of the above-listed reasons, supported with specific examples
- Take out the draft material about Silas fixing Larry and Cindy on a date and about his “using their friendship for manipulative purposes” (no evidence for either)
- Get better evidence about his reluctance to speak; take out references to deceit in earlier days, and take out repetition of the similar general ideas (see my comments)
If you could do this by the end of Tuesday (very late at night is OK; I’ll see it in the morning), then we can work more on the writing
quality.
0 comments