THIS IS WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE
Remember, you must follow my Rules for Revision:
: 2 weeks after your essay is handed back
1. If you decide to revise your essay for a better grade, I
expect you to make radical revisions to your essay. (e.g. A
major change to a paragraph, idea, thesis, example, etc.)
2. AND highlight the changes you made to your document.
3. The Essay must include a 250-500 word letter to me that
explains what the mistakes were in your paper and how
you fixed them in your draft.
PROFESSORS COMMENTS
This essay had some good ideas, but the lack of clear organization and extremely wordy and confusing sentences detracted from your argument. You need a clear and organized theis. You need a strong argument for each paragraph that explores one rhetorical strategy that the author uses to deliver a theme. Additionally, trying to make the sentences sound “academic” can sometimes result in confusing sentences and misused words. You don’t need overly wordy sentences to deliver the ideas. The ideas should stand on their own.
THE ESSAy
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