you are to respond to two of your peers’ paragraphs in at least 100 words each. Reply to two posts that have yet to be responded to by a classmate.In your reply, respond to all the parts in your peer’s initial post, making sure to explain what you relate to and your judgment about your peer’s experience with conflict.
Classmate 1:
- My sister
and I often have the most troublesome conflicts. I have social anxiety
where she is very unapologetically loud, and attention craving even if
it is negative attention. We have always argued as children sharing a
room with me being the clean freak and her being the kid who just threw
everything to get a rise out of me. Over the last few years, now that we
are both adults, arguments consist of feeling betrayed, personal
criticisms or her using my name to get out of trouble. We have alway had
regular disagreements and conflicts but it is the procedural dimension
that we are very different. She is the kind of person who likes to just
ignore problems and hope they go away and she never says “I’m sorry”
whereas I like to talk things out, express how we are both feeling and
try to find a common ground resolution which usually creates a
metaconflict. - Of
Gottman’s “Four Horsemen” I would find stonewalling to be the most
distressing to me because I like to talk conflicts out and try to find
common ground and get both parties to understand why the other is upset.
But when someone is stonewalling there is a very slim chance of the
conflicts actually being resolved because they are emotionally shut down
and are unable to have a clear and effective form of communication
which could just prolong the disagreement or conflict. - A woman
was married to an abusive alcoholic, once she found out she was pregnant
again she told her husband and said she wanted a divorce which angered
him further into beating her and her son. She had lost all hope and
agreed to a plan that would kill her husband and stage his death to look
like an accident or suicide. Their plan went wrong and her husband
ended up being beaten shoved into a trunk and the car set on fire. She
was convicted of murder and her husbands family cut her out of their
lives. She took a 12 week personal growth course and was able to forgive
herself and finally accept what she had done was wrong. She apologized
to her husband’s mother and they have a much better relationship now. I
related to this story because my family on my father’s side had disowned
us (me and my mom and siblings) and I remember how broken up I was
about it as a child. While I tried to get in touch again they always had
something negative to say about me or my mother so I finally decided
that they did not need to be in my life and that their love for me has
nothing to do with my self worth. It took 23 years for me to forgive
them and accept that they would never be in my life, but I am happier
for it.
Classmate 2 :
1.My most troublesome conflicts have been between my brother and me. He
and I are very opposite politically and religiously which has made for
many disagreements. At family gatherings, I try to stay neutral though I
think the worst part is he and my husband do not get along at all, and
my husband I more outspoken than I am. The most recent conflict was
because he said that women should be “submissive” to their husbands. My
husband and I in contrast believe that husband and wife are equal and
should make decisions as a team. I think sometimes that he says these
things to annoy me.
2.I think stonewalling is the most distressing of the “Four Horseman”. I
am not proud to say that when I was in my early teens, I would
stonewall my mother. It makes me cringe now, I have a good relationship
with my mother now, and I cannot imagine stonewalling her now. Whenever
My husband and I have an issue we talk it out no matter how
uncomfortable it is. I would make it so hard if he ever started to
stonewall me or if anybody else close to me did this.
3.Lorenn Walker was on vacation with her sister in Waikiki Hawaii.
Lorenn thought that she was going to have fun with her sister, but her
trip took a violent turn. After a night of drinking Lorenn goes out the
back door where a man attacks her. After the attack, Lorenn had a hard
time not blaming herself for the man attacking her. She thought about
why she drank that night and why she went out the back door rather than
the front. I can relate to this story in a way because I had suffered a
violent attack in my life some years back. I had a hard time coming to
terms that it did indeed happen to me and not some other person who
happened to live my body. Lorenn was not able to prosecute her attacker
so she started a nonprofit organization that offers programs to help
improve the justice system by giving individuals the opportunity to
engage in civic processes to address healing and reconciliation when
social injustice and wrongdoing occurs.
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