Instructions
There is a lot of information here. I know it is a lot to digest. Don’t worry, as you will have several weeks to get the presentation ready.
You are to organize and deliver a 2-4 minute presentation on what you have learned in this class. You will turn in the presentation in the form of a video. You are required to present the information in a way that is clear, accurate and interesting.
In class discussions, we will talk about how to organize the presentation and how to deliver it effectively.
Topic
The good news is that you don’t actually have to do any outside research for this presentation. You will have to look over what you have learned in this class, think about it, and show that you understand how these topics apply to you.
The presentation should consist of 3 points:
Overall, what did you learn about yourself in this class?
Choose one of the following topics and talk about how it applies to you:
- Listening
- If you choose listening, talk about what your listening challenges are. For example, do you use a particular type of nonlistening? Have you had people close to you tell you you need to work on your listening skills?
Defensiveness
- If you choose defensiveness, what type of defense mechanisms do you catch yourself using? Have people around you told you that you are defensive?
Conflict
- If you choose Conflict, what conflict style (or styles) do you use in particular situations? How have people around you described your approach to conflict?
- What do you need to change about yourself in order to be a more effective communicator?
Organization
- You should organize the presentation in the following way:
- I Introduction
A Attention Getter
- B Social Significance
- C Thesis and Preview
II Body
A What I learned About Myself
B Specific Topic and how it applies to me (Listening, Conflict or Defensiveness)
C What I need to change about myself to be a more effective communicator
III Conclusion
A Thesis and Review
B Brief Summary
C tie back to the attention Getter
Purpose
These are the main goals of this assignment:
You will take a more in-depth look at a some communication topics from this class and specifically how they apply to your own life.
You will learn something about your strengths and challenges as a communicator, and hopefully make a plan to improve.
You will also develop and practice your public speaking skills. Since this course meets the Oral Communication requirement for the California State University System, you are each required to complete at least one assignment that gives you the opportunity to do some public speaking. This presentation gives you that opportunity.
Conflict….WIN WIN CONFLICT MANAGEMENTNegotiation is a means of resolving differences between people. In the process of negotiation, not only are different opinions are taken into account, but also individual needs, aims, interests and differences in background and culture.The Win-Lose Approach to NegotiationNegotiation is sometimes seen in terms of ‘getting your own way’, ‘driving a hard bargain’ or ‘beating off the opposition’. While in the short term bargaining may well achieve the aims for one side, it is also a Win-Lose approach.This means that while one side wins the other loses and this outcome may well damage future relationships between the parties. It also increases the likelihood of relationships breaking down, of people walking out or refusing to deal with the ‘winners’ again and the process ending in a bitter dispute.Win-Lose bargaining is probably the most familiar form of negotiating that is undertaken. Individuals decide what they want, then each side takes up an extreme position, such as asking the other side for much more than they expect to get.Through haggling – the giving and making of concessions – a compromise is reached, and each side’s hope is that this compromise will be in their favor.A typical example is haggling over the price of a car:“What do you want for it?” “I couldn’t let it go for under $2,000.” “I’ll give you $1,000.” “You must be joking.” “Well, $1,100 and that’s my limit.” “$1,900” … “$1,300” …“$1,700” … “$1,500” … “Done!”While this form of bargaining may be acceptable in the used car market, and even expected in some cultures, for most situations it has drawbacks. These drawbacks can have serious consequences if applied to social situations.For example, win-lose negotiation:May serve to turn the negotiation into a conflict situation, and can serve to damage any possible long-term relationship.Is essentially dishonest – both sides try to hide their real views and mislead the other.Reaches a compromise solution which may not have be the best possible outcome – there may have been some other agreement that was not thought of at the time – an outcome that was both possible and would have better served both parties.Agreement is less likely to be reached as each side has made a public commitment to a particular position and feels they must defend it, even though they know it to be an extreme position originally.While there are times when bargaining is an appropriate means of reaching an agreement, such as when buying a used car, generally a more sensitive approach is preferable.Negotiation concerning other people’s lives is perhaps best dealt with by using an approach which takes into account the effect of the outcome on thoughts, emotions and subsequent relationships. You may find our page on emotional intelligence helpful.The Win-Win Approach to NegotiationMany professional negotiators prefer to aim towards what is known as a Win-Win solution. This involves looking for resolutions that allow both sides to gain.In other words, negotiators aim to work together towards finding a solution to their differences that results in both sides being satisfied.Key points when aiming for a Win-Win outcome include:Focus on maintaining the relationship – ‘separate the people from the problem’.Focus on interests not positions.Generate a variety of options that offer gains to both parties before deciding what to do.Aim for the result to be based on an objective standard. Focus on Maintaining the RelationshipThis means not allowing the disagreement to damage the interpersonal relationship, not blaming the others for the problem and aiming to confront the problem not thepeople. This can involve actively supporting the other individuals while confronting the problem.Disagreements and negotiations are rarely ‘one-offs’. At times of disagreement, it is important to remember that you may well have to communicate with the same people in the future. For this reason, it is always worth considering whether ‘winning’ the particular issue is more important than maintaining a good relationship.All too often disagreement is treated as a personal affront. Rejecting what an individual says or does is seen as rejection of the person. Because of this, many attempts to resolve differences degenerate into personal battles or power struggles with those involved getting angry, hurt or upset.Remember negotiation is about finding an agreeable solution to a problem, not an excuse to undermine others, therefore, to avoid negotiation breaking down into argument, it is helpful to consciously separate the issues under dispute from the people involved. For example, it is quite possible to hold people in deep regard, to like them, to respect their worth, their feelings, values and beliefs, and yet to disagree with the particular point they are making. One valuable approach is to continue to express positive regard for anindividual, even when disagreeing with what he/she is saying.The following are examples of statements that might be used by a good negotiator:“You’ve expressed your points very clearly and I can now appreciate yourposition. However…”“It’s clear that you are very concerned about this issue, as I am myself. Yet from my viewpoint…”Another way of avoiding personal confrontation is to avoid blaming the other party for creating the problem. It is better to talk in terms of the impact the problem is having personally, or on the organization or situation, rather than pointing out any errors.Instead of saying:“You’re making me waste a lot of time by carrying on with this argument,” the same point could be presented as,“I’m not able to spend a lot of time on this problem, I wonder if there’s any way we could solve it quickly?”By not allowing ‘disagreements over issues’ to become ‘disagreements between people’, a good relationship can be maintained, regardless of the outcome of the negotiation.See our pages Mediation Skills and Conflict Resolution for more information.Focus on Interests Not PositionsRather than focusing on the other side’s stated position, consider the underlying interests they might have. What are their needs, desires and fears? These might not always be obvious from what they say. When negotiating, individuals often appear to be holding on to one or two points from which they will not move.For example, in a work situation an employee might say “I am not getting enough support” while the employer believes that the person is getting as much support as they can offer and more than others in the same position. However, the employee’s underlying interest might be that he or she would like more friends or someone to talk to more often. By focusing on the interests rather than the positions, a solution might be that the employer refers the employee to a befriending organization so that his or her needs can be met.Most people have an underlying need to feel good about themselves and will strongly resist any attempt at negotiation that might damage their self-esteem.Often their need to maintain feelings of self-worth is more important than the particular point of disagreement. Therefore, in many cases, the aim will be to find some way ofenabling both sides to feel good about themselves, while at the same time not losing sight of the goals.If individuals fear their self-esteem is at risk, or that others will think less highly of them following negotiation, they are likely to become stubborn and refuse to move from their stated position, or become hostile and offended and leave the discussion.See our page: Improving Self-Esteem for more background.Understanding the emotional needs of others is an essential part of understanding their overall perspective and underlying interests. In addition to understanding others’ emotional needs, understanding of your own emotional needs are equally important. It can be helpful to discuss how everyone involved feels during negotiation. Learn more about Emotional Intelligence.Another key point is that decisions should not be forced upon others. This is a negotiation. Both sides will feel much more committed to a decision if they feel it is something they have helped to create and that their ideas and suggestions have been taken into account.It is important to clearly express your own needs, desires, wants and fears so that others can also focus on your interests.See our pages on Assertiveness for more information. Generate a Variety of Options that Offer Gains to Both SidesRather than looking for one single way to resolve differences, it is worthwhile considering a number of options that could provide a resolution and then to work together to decide which is most suitable for both sides.Techniques such as brainstorming could be used to generate different potential solutions. In many ways, negotiation can be seen as a problem solving exercise, although it is important to focus on all individuals’ underlying interests and not merely the basic difference in positions.Good negotiators will spend time finding a number of ways of meeting the interests of both sides rather than meeting self-interest alone and then discussing the possible solutions.Aim for the Result to be Based on an Objective StandardHaving identified and worked towards meeting shared interests, it is often inevitable that some differences will remain.Rather than resorting to a confrontational bargaining approach, which may leave individuals feeling let-down or angry, it can be helpful to seek some fair, objective andindependent means of resolving the differences. It is important that such a basis for deciding is:Acceptable to both parties.Independent to both parties.Can be seen to be fair.If no resolution can be reached, it may be possible to find some other, independent party whom both sides will trust to make a fair decision.Other sources of help who might assist in situations which cannot be resolved include:A mutual friend or colleagueAcommitteememberA trained mediatorBefore turning for help from such sources however it is important to agree that this approach is acceptable to both sides.The subject of Conflict used to be called “Conflict Resolution.” It is now called “Conflict Management.” Why do you think that is? What is the difference between conflict resolution and conflict management? It is not always possible to resolve conflicts, but we can at least learn to manage them.What is conflict? What sort of conflict do you deal with? And how often? We deal with conflict on a very regular basis. If you have conflict often (once a week or more), that doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you. It is in fact how you handle conflict that makes it good or bad.Conflict isNaturalIt is common to have disagreements or tension or even arguments with the people we are close to. What is NOT natural, is any sort of attack, including humiliating, name calling, or any physical attack, like biting, kicking, hitting or scratching. If any of that is going on in your life, you need to make a change or seek help from someone.BeneficialHow can conflict be beneficial? It helps us to learn more about ourselves or our partner, friends and family better. When you tell someone “I don’t like it when you do that,” you are SELF DISCLOSING. One of the benefits of self disclosure is feeling closer to each other. Another benefit is building trust. Both of these can happen after resolving or managing a conflict.Conflict DefinedExpressed StruggleBoth parties are aware of the disagreement. Imagine I am visiting Parkway Plaza. I see a friend at the mall and call out to them, but they keep walking and never respond. I start thinking about what happened and the more I think about it, the more upset I become. Was she ignoring me for some reason? Oh, it was probably because she was with her other friends. Maybe she was embarrassed to admit she knows me, etc. Is this a conflict? No, because at this point it is only in my head. When I see her the next time and ask her why she didn’t say “Hi” to me, she is likely going to say she didn’t see me. And there you go, we don’t have a conflict at all. Suppose she says, “I didn’t say Hi because I am upset about the thing you told my friend about me.” Ok, now we have a conflict. But it isn’t a conflict until both parties are aware of it.Perceived Incompatible GoalsAnother critical aspect of conflict is perceived incompatible goals. This means that the two parties in the conflict have goals that are incompatible. Let’s say that over the weekend, my husband and I both want to do something fun. My favorite band is playing on Friday night in town and I want to go see them. He wants to go out to the desert and set up his telescope and enjoy some astronomy. We can’t do both things. That creates a situation that is likely to cause a conflict. Now, it is possible that we can actually do both things: one on Friday and one on Saturday. But as long as we perceive the goals are incompatible, we can have conflict.Perceived Scarce RewardsConflict can also be facilitated by perceived scarce rewards. When there isn’t enough of something to go around, parties are more likely to have conflict. Grossmont and Cuyamaca Colleges can get along fine as long as there is enough money to go around to fund them both. When the budget is tight and there isn’t enough money to go around, the colleges are more likely to have conflict. Once again, there doesn’t have to be an actual shortage, but if we perceive that there is one, we are more likely to have conflict.InterdependenceThe two parties have an ongoing interdependent relationship, so there is a need for them to work it out. You and I have an independent relationship. I am dependent on you for a job. If I have no students, I don’t get paid. You are dependent on me for an education (or a grade). So if we have a conflict, we have a need to work it out. If you don’t have an interdependent relationship, there is no need to work it out. For example, imagine that someone cuts you off on the freeway. You honk, then they give you the middle finger (which is ridiculous, since you didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t you hate that?) But in the end, you both drive off. There is no need to work it out, because you don’t know each other and you will never see each other again.ALERT: this is a long story, but it is worth reading all the way to the end.Let me tell you a true story about something that happened to me about 10 years ago. I used to be a bicyclist. I rode at least 100 miles a week on my road bike. Is anyone else a here a cyclist? It’s a great way to work out and lots of fun, but a cyclist can be vulnerable to distracted drivers. I feel very strongly about bicycle safety because my husband Brian was killed on April 17, 2018 while commuting home from his job as a Political Science Professor at Grossmont College. He was on his bicycle and doing everything right: he was in the bike lane obeying all the laws, wearing a helmet and brightly colored clothing. He was hit by a driver who feel asleep at the wheel. I used to commute 1 day a week from home to work and back on my bicycle. One day, I was commuting home on my bike. I had my helmet and goggles and bike clothes on, of course. I was riding through a busy section of El Cajon. I was as far to the right as possible (the law says I have to be) and looking in my rear view mirror to keep an eye out for cars. A car came up behind me and right as it got next to me, the car swerved toward me. I jerked to the right to avoid the car and nearly crashed. It isn’t nice for cars to threaten bicyclists. And I have dealt with things like that before. They might come past me and shout in my ear or squirt me with their windshield washers. I have even had someone in a car throw a rock at me. Then they drive off and I never see them again. This car drove off and the people in it were laughing. But as luck would have it, they got stopped at the next light. So I rode up beside them to wait for the light and I could hear them still laughing at me. I thought maybe I could educate them about the danger in the situation and I did something I should probably not have done; I said (the passenger window was open), “So you thought that was funny, did you? Do you realize I could have been badly hurt?” And one of them (there were three in the car) said, “That’s what we were trying to do, lady. We were trying to knock you off your bike.” So then I got angry and said the meanest thing I could think of at the time, “So I guess you aren’t very bright then, are you?” At that point, the driver leaned forward so he could see me past the other two people, put his fists up and said, “Come on, Bitch.” Here was a 6 foot tall guy with two friends threatening to beat up a 5 foot tall woman on a bicycle. I was pretty impressed with how macho he was (haha). But here is the relevant point: When he leaned forward to threaten me, I got a good look at his face. And he was one of my students. He was enrolled in one of my classes that very semester. The light changed and he drove off, not realizing who I was. I had a couple of days to think about how to approach the situation. The topic in his class that next week was conflict. So I when I got to the topic of Interdependence, I decided to tell this story to them, just like I am telling you right now. He sat there with a look of terror and his face went white. When he and I spoke privately, he denied that it was him. I reported the incident to the local Sherriff’s office and to the campus police. I never used his name in front of my class. Nothing else was ever said about it between us. At this point in the story, people always ask, “so did you fail him, or what?” It would be inappropriate (not to mention a violation of state law) to base his grade on anything other than his work in my class. But there is this benefit of the doubt that comes in to play when I’m doing final grades. If someone is a couple of points away from the next higher grade, I think about the fact that some of the grading in the class is subjective. I ask myself, “Is it possible that the student I am grading actually deserved a couple more points?” So I adjust the grade (if it is only a couple of points, of course). Well, I can tell you in this case, the benefit of the doubt thing did NOT apply. The point of the story is that sometimes you don’t know that you have an interdependent relationship. So you have to be a bit careful. Also, please don’t mess with bicyclists. Do whatever you can to keep them safe.
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